just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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