we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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