Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
