and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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