I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
