Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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