mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
