Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
