On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
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Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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