would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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