"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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