You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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