By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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