the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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