I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
