i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
