dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
