Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
