Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
