So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
