Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
