listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
