Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
