If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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