i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
