i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize