Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
last night I used snow as a chaser
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