I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
