so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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