Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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