I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
