I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she looked like the before picture.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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