i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
