if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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