Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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