just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
