So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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