he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
