Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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