just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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