That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize