Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is the high leading the old right now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
