Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
