Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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