I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think i have two assholes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
