I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize