Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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