That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
