Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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