I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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