I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Randomize
