some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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