I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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