You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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