Your mouth is God's brothel.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
