its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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