The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
