While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
