singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
