Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
